Ever After High: A Semi-Charming Kind of Life Read online

  “Where are the boys?” Darling asked, hoping to change the subject.

  “They left early to get ready for Hero Training class,” Ashlynn explained. “Hunter looks so dreamy in his armor.”

  As the girls launched into a debate over which prince wore his armor best, Darling’s MirrorPhone rang. It was Dexter. She excused herself from the table, then walked outside so she could hear better. “Hi,” she said.

  “I’m not allergic to armor after all,” he told her, his voice ragged. “I’m actually sick. I can’t go to classes today.”

  “For real?”

  “Yes, for real.” He sounded annoyed. “You think I’d fake being sick just to get out of jousting?”

  “Of course not,” she said, though she had considered that possibility. “What do you have?”

  “I don’t know. I’m at the infirmary right now, waiting to see the doctor. I’ve got a fever, and spots in my throat. And I’m blowing blue stuff out of my nose.”

  “Gross.” She cringed. Then she added, “Sorry. Do you need anything?”

  “No, just don’t tell Mom. You know how she gets.”

  Dexter was right. Being sick was a very big deal in the Charming household. Charmings were supposed to have exceptional immune systems. On the rare occasion that one of her children fell ill, the queen went into a tizzy. It wasn’t so much that she was worried about her children being uncomfortable. It was the simple fact that sickness marred their perfection. Inflamed runny noses, chapped lips, and bloodshot eyes should never be seen on a Charming face, thus as kids they were kept in the castle’s nursery until all symptoms had cleared. When asked why a specific child hadn’t been seen in a few days, the queen would say that the child had been sent to visit relatives. Never, ever would the Charming name be associated with nausea, chills, or flatulence.

  “What am I going to do? If I can’t practice, I’ll make a fool of myself at the tournament.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” Darling said. Sometimes she couldn’t understand her brother’s lack of confidence. “You know you’ll recover quickly. We Charmings are never sick for long. I’m sure you’ll be better by tonight.”

  “Yeah, probably.”

  “I don’t have Damsel-In-Distressing until this afternoon. Can I do anything for you?”

  “Yes. Keep this a secret, okay? Don’t tell anyone I’m sick. I’ll call you after I see the doctor.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  Keeping the secret was easy. But Darling realized there was something else she could do. She could have Dexter’s suit of armor and his new helmet delivered to his room. Then he wouldn’t have to traipse into the village with a fever and runny nose. But when she dialed the number for the Smithy, there was no answer. “Hmmm,” she said. “Betty must be hammering so loudly she can’t hear the phone.” So Darling decided to get the armor herself. It would be a nice surprise for Dexter. And it was a great excuse to stretch her legs, which were a bit sore from last night’s ride.

  As she walked down the lane toward the village, the usual chaos erupted when boys outside the walls of Ever After High caught their first glimpse of the one and only daughter of the Charming family. A majority of the boys couldn’t keep up with Darling’s pace—she could glide faster than most boys could walk.

  Humphrey Dumpty, son of Humpty Dumpty, was sitting on a wall, and even though he’d seen Darling countless times, he grinned goofily, waved, then tumbled backward. “I’m okay,” he hollered. “No cracks.”

  “Sorry,” she called. But was it really her fault? Seriously, the son of Humpty Dumpty should never sit on a wall.

  Before reaching the blacksmith’s shop, she also caused a wagon collision, a small fire, and two concussions. “Unbelievable,” she said with a shake of her head.

  No smoke drifted from the smithy’s chimney. The windows were dark. She grabbed the handle and pulled the door open. “Hello?” she called as she stepped inside. No hammering sounded. The room appeared to be empty. The dragon flame, now shrunk to the size of a baby’s fingernail, was contained beneath a glass dome. “Hello?” she called again. Betty Bunyan was nowhere to be seen.

  Dexter’s armor was in the exact place he’d left it. The pieces were still covered in dents and dings. It hadn’t been buffed or polished. Where was the new helmet that was supposed to fit over his glasses?

  A piece of folded paper was tucked inside the old helmet.

  A few weeks? That would be way too late for Parents Weekend! Darling frowned. Poor Dexter. How could she break the bad news to him? He’d never succeed at jousting if he couldn’t wear his glasses.

  Darling sank onto the bench and sighed. It didn’t matter what presentation Madam Maid Marian assigned to the Damsel-In-Distressing students, because Darling knew she’d be able to pull it off without a hitch. She’d appear to be the perfect Charming princess, and her parents would be none the wiser to her extracurricular activities. After all, she’d been faking her way through perfect princesshood for many years.

  But Dexter couldn’t fake perfect vision.

  When the kids in spellementary school started calling Dexter “Four Eyes,” King Charming had tried to cure his son of his overly perfect condition by turning to magic. He contacted every sorcerer in all the kingdoms, but the trouble with magical spells was that they all came with a hitch. This spell will turn you into a human, but, alas, you must give up your voice. This spell will allow you to dance the way you’ve always dreamed, but, alas, once you start dancing, you won’t be able to stop. This spell will give you perfect eyesight, but, alas, you will look like a Cyclops.

  Unless a miracle occurred, Dexter would have trouble during the jousting tournament. And fail in King Charming’s eyes.

  She reached for her phone to send Dexter a hext, but she decided it would be best to tell him in person. With or without a new helmet, he’d still need the armor for class tomorrow.

  She started to pick up the pieces, then realized that the only way to carry them back to school would be to borrow one of Betty’s carts. But pulling a cart through the village wasn’t very princess-like. Sure, she could ask one of the Charming family fanboys to help, but that would mean enduring his yammering about her family and how she and he were meant for each other. Gross! She drummed a finger on her chin. What if…? No, she couldn’t do that.

  Could she?

  Why not? Dexter was only an inch taller than she was, and he was definitely slender. She glanced around. The blacksmith’s shop was empty.

  No one would know.

  Chapter 11

  If the Suit Fits

  Darling removed her jewel-encrusted belt, then slipped out of her blue dress. Luckily, she wore a pair of metallic tights and a silver camisole underneath. She removed her ruffled heeled shoes, her necklace, and her tiara. Then she grabbed the chain mail tunic and slipped it over her head. It fell to her knees and hung loosely around her middle, but it was secure enough. She slipped her feet into the sollerets. Thankfully, Dexter’s feet weren’t much larger than hers. This just might work! On went the rest of the plate armor—the shoulder pieces, breastplate, backplate, and thigh guards known as cuisses. The helmet was the most important part. A knight in dented armor wouldn’t draw too much attention in town, but a princess in dented armor would. She braided her hair and tucked it into the helmet. It fit quite nicely.

  She circled the shop’s interior, beginning with slow, steady steps, then increasing her pace. The suit wasn’t as heavy as she’d expected. She was amazed at how agile she felt, and how easily she could bend and jump. If Dexter got his new helmet, he’d have no problem riding a horse. She was sure of it. She found a pen and wrote on the back of Betty’s note.

  She included Dexter’s phone number and set the note on the bench. Then she opened her Ever After High book bag, pushed her MirrorPad aside, and neatly packed her shoes, dress, necklace, and tiara. Realizing that her blue manicure might draw attention, she grabbed the gauntlets, slipped her hands inside, and then, bag in hand, strode fro
m the blacksmith’s shop.

  It was quiet in the alley. Darling stood beneath the smithy’s sign. Am I really doing this? she asked herself. She glanced down at her legs. I’m completely covered. No one will know it’s me. And lots of other students carry this same book bag. She lowered the helmet’s visor. Then, after a deep breath, she walked up the lane and turned onto Book End’s Main Street.

  The visor offered a strange, rectangular view of the world. But it was enough for her to walk safely and not bump into things. An odd sensation washed over her. Despite the fact that she was carrying extra weight, she felt lighter. No one ran after her with flowers or chocolates. No one fell to his knees to propose marriage. Her face was hidden, and no one knew who she was. No one could tell she was the Charming princess. For the first time in what felt like forever, Darling walked down the street in broad daylight and didn’t cause a single ounce of chaos. A few people glanced her way, but nothing more. She usually hurried past the stores, trying to get out of the spotlight, but now she could actually take her time. She could even window-shop! What joy! She stopped at the Yarns & Noble Bookstore, where the latest volume of Diary of a Royal Kid was on display. The Glass Slipper Shoe Store’s window featured platform shoes by the fashionable Shoemaker’s Elves, and the Mad Hatter of Wonderland’s Haberdashery & Tea Shoppe was having a two-for-one sale on jester hats.

  “Hey, Dex!” a voice called.

  Dex? Darling looked around. What was Dexter doing in Book End? He was supposed to be at the infirmary.

  “Dex!” Daring strode toward her, a doughnut in hand. “Hey, did you see this? The Beanstalk Bakery named it after me. It’s called Daring’s Doughy Delight.” He smiled, nearly blinding a passerby. Then he stopped right in front of Darling and held the doughnut up to her visor. “It has three different kinds of icing and five different fillings. You can never have too many carbs.” He flexed one of his arms.

  Luckily, the slit in the visor wasn’t big enough for Daring to notice it was his sister’s eyes looking back at him. Or maybe he was too busy checking his reflection in the window to notice anything but his luxurious hair and chiseled jaw. “You want this?” he asked, offering her a piece. She shook her head, then watched as he ate it in two massive bites. He consumed food the way he consumed life—with gusto. “What are you doing out here? You’re supposed to be practicing for the tournament.”

  Darling cringed, immediately regretting her impulsive decision to wear Dexter’s armor. What was she supposed to do now? Daring took his role as her protective older brother very seriously. If he discovered that his little sister was walking around looking extremely untraditional, he’d give her a stern lecture.

  “Your armor is a mess,” he said. “You’d better take it to Betty for a buff and polish before Mom and Dad get here.” Then he waved at a group of girls who were staring at him through the bookstore’s window. Two of them fainted. Darling rolled her eyes. While she and Dexter shared similar quiet and unassuming dispositions, at least in public, she and Daring shared the same burden of being highly sought-after members of the Charming family. Daring, however, enjoyed his effect on the girls. He loved being the center of attention.

  The girls who hadn’t fainted rushed from the bookstore and began taking selfies with Daring. This was Darling’s opportunity to escape. She hurried up the lane toward school. She’d leave the armor in Dexter’s room, then continue with her normal schedule. “Hey, wait up!” Daring called. “I’ll walk to class with you.”

  How could she get out of this? She couldn’t show up at Hero Training! She’d have to tell Daring the truth.

  “You’ll be practicing with a lance today,” Daring said. He’d been talking for a few minutes, but she’d been so distracted by the situation that she hadn’t been listening. “Of course, I don’t need to practice. I’m the champion, after all. I can joust in my sleep. It just comes naturally, you know?”

  Although her oldest brother sounded as though he was boasting, he really wasn’t. Being good at everything was simply his reality. In the same way that she wasn’t bragging when she said that most boys frequently tried to impress her in hopes of becoming the next Prince Charming. That was simply the annoying truth.

  “Don’t let yesterday get you down,” he said with a slap on her back. “Sure, it was awkward when you fell off the horse, but it looks like you’ve gotten used to the armor. At least you’re not falling over when you walk.” He slapped her on the back again. She nearly coughed. “Just remember, Dad’s going to be in the audience during the tournament. He’ll be watching your every move.”

  Jeez, talk about pressure, Darling thought. Poor Dex.

  “At least you don’t have to win the tournament. You just have to be second best. That should be easy. I’ll be right here if you need help.” He gave her a brotherly nudge, then settled into a lounge chair and began hexting on his MirrorPhone.

  Here? Where was she? Daring had been talking so much she hadn’t noticed that they’d turned off the lane. She lifted her visor so she could get a better look. Daring’s chair was set at the edge of the field. Professor Knight was standing in the middle of the field, surrounded by a group of armor-clad students.

  Uh-oh.

  “Squire Charming!” the professor bellowed, pointing at her. “Thou art late!”

  She had no idea what to do. If she turned and ran, Dexter would get in trouble for skipping class. The students might think he was scared. But she couldn’t join them. Could she?

  “Dexter!” Hunter Huntsman hurried to her side, his helmet tucked under an arm. She quickly flipped her visor over her face. “Hey, I wasn’t sure if you’d make it. You were coughing pretty badly this morning. Are you feeling better?”

  She shook her head.

  “Squire Charming and Squire Huntsman!” Professor Knight bellowed. “Cease thy jibber-jabbering and attend within the instant or thou shalt be sent to the headmaster’s office!”

  “Guess it doesn’t matter if you’re sick,” Hunter whispered. “You’re stuck now.” Hunter was Dexter’s roommate, and they were an odd match. Hunter was tall, strapping, and athletic, fond of carrying an ax and walking around shirtless. He was the brawn to Dexter’s brain. But they seemed to make it work. He grabbed the book bag from her hand and tossed it on the ground next to Daring. “Come on,” he said.

  Please oh please don’t open that bag, Darling thought as she glanced at Daring. Then she followed Hunter onto the field.

  Darling had never seen Professor Knight up close. She wasn’t certain, but she guessed that he was the oldest teacher at Ever After High. His skin was as gray as Hagatha’s porridge and as spotted as a witch’s toadstool. The top of his head was mostly bald, except for a few wisps of hair that appeared to be made of cloud. A long white beard hung to his belly. His suit of armor looked as if it had been left out in the rain for centuries. Each time he moved, bits of rust flaked off.

  “On this day, thou shalt begin thy lessons in the art of jousting,” he said, his voice surprisingly vibrant. “Jousting is the sport of heroes, born in the glorious days when chivalry reigned supreme.”

  Darling couldn’t believe her ears. This was the kind of class she’d longed to take. They were going to learn something! Do something! She wanted to shout for joy!

  “Whilst thou art destined to accomplish deeds of derring-do, exploits of extreme exceptionality, and acts of astounding achievement, not every hero is graced with the natural dexterity needed for a successful joust.” Professor Knight looked straight at Darling. So did everyone else. “Alas, some of you will fail.”

  Fail? Is he seriously telling me that I don’t have what it takes? she thought. Luckily the visor concealed her scowl. Then she remembered that everyone thought she was Dexter.

  One of the students raised his hand. “Professor Knight? How come Daring is sitting over there?”

  The professor scratched a clump of hair that was sprouting from his ear. “Squire Charming is observing today’s lesson because he is our jousting
champion. He hath no need to practice, for he is the perfect specimen of heroness.” Daring glanced up for a moment, waved, then went back to hexting. “The knightly skills come naturally to Squire Charming, as they did to his father, of whom I had the honor to instruct. That was back in the day when knights were still appreciated. Your generation doesn’t respect tradition, I’m afraid.” He frowned. Darling fidgeted uneasily. At that moment, she was the perfect specimen of someone who was definitely not respecting tradition.

  Professor Knight thrust a finger in the air. “Squires, it is time to mount your steeds.”

  Steeds? Darling’s heart skipped a beat. This was getting better by the minute.

  During the lecture, the horses had been brought up from the stables and were tied along a fence. There were a variety of horses to choose from. Hunter chose a horse that was stomping and straining against its tether. But Darling noticed the small, quiet horse who was nibbling on a patch of clover.

  “Hello, Sir Gallopad,” she whispered. His ears pricked, and he raised his head. He sniffed her, smiled, then licked her visor.

  “Isn’t that your sister’s horse?” Hunter called. “You don’t want that one. I hear he’s super timid.” Then he led his horse onto the field.

  Darling looked around. The other students were distracted by their own horses. So she whispered again to Sir Gallopad. “I think we both need to stay hidden.” And he immediately changed from white to black. “Good boy.” She started walking and he followed.

  This was going to be fun.

  Chapter 12

  Princely Pox

  The door to Dexter and Hunter’s room bore both the Charming family and the Huntsman family crests. Darling knocked as hard as she could. Since she was still wearing the gauntlets, the sound was astonishingly loud and echoed down the hall.